Clear Expectations

During meditation two days ago I noticed my thoughts were difficult to grasp onto. I also felt a lot more restless than I usually do during meditation. It was startling how different my mind seemed during meditation compared to previous meditation times.

I suspect this may be at least partly hormone related as there are certain times of the month when my brain doesn’t seem to function as well as I’d like. I forget things I don’t normally forget. I have trouble focusing at work. I get more impatient with my son and I seem to forget the normal, calm, practical ways of handling everyday situations.

I’ve been curious to see if meditation will help me to be more mindful and maintain better focus during these times of the month. At the very least right now it’s helping me to recognize what’s happening sooner. Normally I don’t recognize my forgetfulness, irritability, and lack of focus until it’s pointed out to me.

For the past few weeks my son has been falling asleep later and later. I’ve been feeling irritated about it since it means I have very little time in the evening or I go to sleep too late. I’ve been blaming it on the sun being up so late in the summer months and our recent vacation messing up his schedule.

Another source of frustration and fussiness is play time. During the week I only see my son in the mornings and evenings since I work full time. He of course wants to spend as much time as possible playing and I feel frustrated trying to make sure we get out the door on time in the morning and he’s asleep at a reasonable time at night.

Knowing my mind was not functioning optimally I thought more closely about these situations. I realized I am as much to blame as anything else. I’ve been more relaxed about his schedule all summer and I’ve assumed there was little I could do. I made the decision to take responsibility and enforce some schedule changes. The difference has been remarkable.

In the morning we now play after his morning routine of eating breakfast, getting dressed, making his bed, and brushing his teeth. He knows he’ll get 20 minutes of play time with me as soon as those things are done. Enforcing this has meant I don’t have to pull him away from play time to get ready.

In the evening I also make sure he has 20 minutes of play time with me either before or after dinner. And we start the rest of his bedtime routine an hour earlier. For the past couple of days he’s been asleep over an hour earlier than before and he’s actually sleeping in later. I’m thrilled!

For my son what changed is that I made my expectations of him clear. That gave him the freedom to be obedient and enjoy his play time. As I reflect on this change I realize that God makes His expectations of me clear in the Bible. Will I be obedient and enjoy my freedom? Will this teach me to trust God more?